It was as I was standing among 20 three-and-four year olds going nuts on the dance floor under handcrafted toddler decorations when it happened – I got a lump in my throat.
“I’m not going to cry, am I?” I thought incredulously. “Ok, apparently I am“.
Fortunately it was a bit of an anti-climax and was over almost before it started, but it seems to be a habit with me every time I find myself exactly where I always wanted to be as a mum.
Ok maybe I haven’t always dreamed of going to kindergarten discos, but there I was juggling a doll that wets itself, three jumpers nobody wanted to wear, watching an overly-excited and overdressed DJ whip a bunch of small children into a frenzy and attempting to get a mouthful of chocolate ball past my stubborn throat.
But it’s one of those things mums do. And I was really looking forward to being a mum. I now find my reality is what used to only be hopeful daydreams and all of a sudden I come over all Olympian on the dais seconds from biting their medal (why do they do that?) with happy tears streaming down their face. I made it. Make the most of this moment.
It happened when I walked into Biggie’s school for the preliminary tour. It happens randomly on a sunny day in the park, or when my kids are lost in imaginary play, when I hear a song that reminds me of them, hell once it even happened in the supermarket.
I hadn’t ever really envisioned parenting past soccer sidelines and fingerpainting, so it remains to be seen whether I still blub at teenage house parties or when buying their first bra. It’s very possible, but also more likely that I’m tired and the music is too loud, and that they’re growing up faster than I’d like.
Linking up with the wonderful Denyse and her “Life this Week” series.
Ingrid Ingrid says
My oldest two are in Year 11 and at times I catch myself looking at them and still getting sentimental, such as when they recently got their L plates to start learning how to drive. Being a mum and guiding your children through a life time of first moments is really an amazing experience and so much more than I ever hoped or thought it would be!
Stacey says
It’s not something you can really grasp until you’re doing it, huh! Being a parent is all kinds of emotions, it has totally blown me away.
Deborah says
I’m sure the ‘firsts’ will continue. I’m actually much closer to my mother now than when I was younger. I was very much a daddy’s girl growing up and it wasn’t until I was in my 20s or so that changed. I think she still reflects on my ‘firsts’ though I’m in my late 40s!
Stacey says
Oh that’s sweet! Isn’t it funny how relationships always evolve over the years.
Sarah says
My first and only child is starting school next year…pretty sure I’m going to be a blubbering mess! Not that I’ll let him see that of course, I plan to be a cool like in front of him.
Stacey says
Ha I was all right, actually. Had a bit of a sob in the pantry the day before but she just loved it so much I couldn’t help but be excited for her 🙂
Kat says
Dammit woman, stop making me clucky! Tell me about how one of them vomited in your handbag five minutes later.
Stacey says
haha it’s making me clucky, MAKE IT STOP!
Ness says
Beautiful post. I’ve found myself blubbering looking at my boys a lot in the past year. Probably complicated by the fact that I had breast cancer and now I’m menopausal. Sometimes a good cry is therapeutic though.
Stacey says
Isn’t it therapeutic! I never know when it’s going to hit, though – must be even more unpredictable in your circumstances! Get a nice hanky 🙂
Denyse Whelan says
Tears are the release valves for our emotions and that’s my excuse ….I so hear you on the unexpected ones as well as the usual ones. I feel the feels. I wish in some ways I didn’t because my life is a lot different now we are away from the grandkids and I miss what was. And what is no longer. The ages at which we cared for GD 1, GS 2, GD 3 and GD 5 were from babyhood until starting school for 3 of them. Little people on the cusp of greater independence. I cried when their caring days were over and they were moving on but no-one else was sad. Just Grandma. That’s life when you wear your heart on your sleeve and care about people. Love your words, Stacey. Thanks so much for your support and loving care of me too! D xx
Stacey says
I always think about what it’s like for you – to have lived such a rich and full lifetime and now the littles are a bit far away. What a blessing you are in their lives (and mine!) <3
Kell @ All Mum Said says
So beautiful! I think there will always be tears. There will always be joy. There will always be new firsts.
Just enjoy the ride.
Stacey says
Yep, can’t argue with that!
Lydia C. Lee says
It’s lovely that you love it so much. I find myself cursing the organisers when I’m required to spend my Friday nights in the school playground for yet another school function…but yes, there’s are some pretty special moments.
Stacey says
Ha I probably wouldn’t enjoy being on the organising side of it all, but it’s nice every now and then! I think I just like watching the kids having so much fun.
Shauna 'Round the Corner says
I have moments like these too! I saw my 10 year old son off on a school excursion this morning. He’ll be away two nights. Can’t walk past his room without feeling teary! Need to get a grip 😉
Stacey says
Let’s just be blubbers together haha x
In An Unguarded Moment says
I think it’s lovely you recognise those moments and feel so deeply about them. I think it’s a way of showing gratitude for what we have, and that leads to a life well lived in my opinion. It’s the little moments that count I reckon.
Stacey says
I agree! It makes so much difference when I take the time to notice them x
LJ says
Awww that is a very cute image and I giggled at juggling the doll who wets itself and 3 jumpers hahaha. Its these moments that MORE THAN make up for all the ones in which we want to strangle them! 😉 -LJ
Stacey says
Ha thank goodness the doll doesn’t make noise too – although they have some kind of mechanical hamster that I want to punch!
Tina Lacy says
They grow so quickly and while I look forward to all the things to come Im sad at whats past. I worry she will get to big to fit just perfectly in my arms, but I can’t wait to talk to her and see what she has to say
Stacey says
I loved watching them get older, and never mourned the stage they were just in. And now of course they’re big and I can’t remember much of the baby days so I get a bit wistful for them!
Vicki @ Boiled Eggs & Soldiers says
I do the same, luckily where we live I have to wear sunglasses most of time so no one can see!
Stacey says
Hahah I don’t even have that any more! I’m just standing there with dumb red eyes anyone can see haha
alicia - one mother hen says
Songs get me with my eldest. We’ve been through a lot and I love him to bits.
My theory is these heart exploding moments where I well tears, are to outweigh the times when I feel like wringing their necks 🙂
Stacey says
The bloody songs! I’m going to have to ban them!
Lauren @ Create Bake Make says
Oh gosh, this is happening to me ALL of the time at the moment. Our eldest has started going to prep transition mornings for next year and I find myself having to keep my sunnies on as I’m ‘that mum’ who is all teary!
Stacey says
I totally understand big life moments but I’m crying at the drop of a hat these days! I can’t bloody keep up!
Karin @ Calm to Conniption says
Oh I get this. I am completely a “moment cryer”.
Chelsey @ Chelsey Crafts says
I don’t even have kids and I loved this post. Can totally see myself doing that too haha