Please welcome Mandy! She’s navigating a minefield here. Horses for courses, dudes!
It really is one of the trickiest areas (along with asking if someone is pregnant). Other people’s shit food for their kids. It sounds harsh I know, but really it makes other parents lives hell. Like mine.
I do care what other families eat. It is my profession, kid and family nutrition. But what you do at home, away from my family, is also your own private food life (unless you ask for my help). But when you come into the public view, or more importantly, my 3 year old’s view, then it personally becomes my problem.
I put a lot of effort into my children’s diet. I love food. I love to eat it, cook it, touch it, feel it, lick it and of course talk, read and write about it. It is my life. Having young children I am (along with my husband) personally responsible for their nutritional education and health, as are you with your kids.
So what the hell are you doing bringing shit snack boxes into the playground that my kid wants to eat now?
Thank you for bringing fluoro skittles to the picnic!
Thank you for offering chocolate coated biscuits before my kids have had a chance to eat some of their lunch.
Thank you for having Burger Rings at a 2 year old’s birthday party.
Unfortunately not everyone has the same ideas, views, education or interest in health, food or nutrition as you or I might have. So what are some ways to be able to avoid a show down between Sally’s mum and yourself ?
- She/he doesn’t like it!
I have used this one a few too many times. Often there are foods out there that Isadora or Maya have not tried yet so I pretend they do not like it, even if I know that they probably would like it. This is easier with Maya as she is younger (9months). But with Isadora who is 3, I tell her that it tastes disgusting, just like a food she doesn’t like i.e. olives. I know I am lying, but I don’t want my kids eating sherbet or skittles. Not yet at least.
2 2. We think she/he has an intolerance to foods containing ‘this’ ingredient.
Again, maybe a lie. But these days food intolerances and allergies are more common so people respect this response immediately. You could also say you are trying an elimination diet to identify what the causal food is.
3 3. Prepping your kids
I have started to do this with Isadora before we go somewhere where I know there will be kids eating foods that I don’t want her to eat. I talk to her and tell her calmly that while we are out she will need to eat what is in her snack box or in my bag. The other kids’ food is just theirs today. I then tell the parent that we are trying to get Isadora to eat her foods first (then have a giggle and talk about how much effort I put into preparing and I don’t want it to be wasted hahahaha).
- We are trying a new plan at the moment.
You will see on social media and around the blog trap a lot of food challenges. This month alone I have seen additive free, natural food and an unprocessed challenge. Pick whichever you like and use it as an excuse. “Oh we are only eating unprocessed foods this month so I really want Billy to stick to it too.”
- Or simply, “I don’t want my kid to eat that”.
It might cause a little nervous laughter or a full on scrag fight and I don’t know which one of you will be more embarrassed. You could always explain why as well. “Umm… we would prefer Johnny, as he is only 1, to not drink coke yet. I have heard that it can lead to insomnia in children, plus we really cannot afford the dental bill hahah!” A little nervous joke at the end!
The fact is, just like adults, we come across food situations we would prefer not to be in. Unfortunately little kids often want the sometimes foods all the time and you are nervous about the effort you put into their everyday foods being railroaded.
Of course there is no harm in scoffing biscuits or a few chocolates every now and then. It is more of the everyday occurrences and interactions with friends where your sometimes foods are their everyday foods which is where the real fun starts.
I always hope that by leading by example some people, if they are interested, will see that your options are better for their kids too and start emulating your food choices.
Puft, kids and food. The battle is endless but I hope this gives you few ideas to put into action in the battlefield aka playground!
Here are some playground snack ideas:
Mandy
(I am a Mama to Isadora (3) and Maya (9months). I write at my blog Little People Nutritionabout food and nutrition for babies through to little kids. I write on general food topics, recipes, complete little supermarket investigations and food news around kids nutrition. I am also a nutritionist and food scientist having worked in the food industry in various roles for over 10 years. Come by and say hi.)
Easy Peasy Kids says
I allow my kids the odd junky food, then I found when they went to parties they simply weren’t racing for the lollies and all the other not so good stuff. Like you I also say we are off to the party you can have 2 items there plus all the good stuff. I use books like where does my food go and what certain foods can do to my teeth. The thing is you can never win, the day I allow them to have a lollipop will be the day some do gooder will say “oh my, you let your kids eat junk all the time” and give me a sermon. Love the lunch ideas.
Veggie Mama says
Ooh thanks for the book tips, I’ll check them out! do-gooders can be so annoying x
Zoey @ Good Googs says
I think the way you respond really depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person. For the most part, I think other parents are great (particularly with young kids) about asking before they offer because of allergies or parental preference.
I have a pretty relaxed attitude to it because I was raised in a strict food environment and had a rebellious explosion in my teens and early twenties, so I aim for moderation. We basically do no sugar, over-processed or additive type food during the week, they get one treat on Friday when we are out that they get to pick and on the weekend if they are out with relatives I don’t have any rules about what they eat.
Like Nat said, what I dislike is on the occasion I let my kids eat McDonalds or have an ice cream or an icy pole or whatever the piles of judgement that gets loaded on. Because I post photos online I will often get DMs, tweets, emails etc about my substandard parenting practices.
Those lunchbox ideas look fab! I want to go off and buy Babybel cheese now because I’m an addict.
Veggie Mama says
I think it’s weird that anyone judges a person like that! It’s not like your forcing mcnuggets down their kids’ throats. I’m very much the same as you, little sugar, processed or additive thingies and I make most of their treats at home. But if they’re out with others, or a at a party or whatever, then I let them eat whatever. Well not so much the youngest… she gets what she’s given, heheh
Homemaker Mummy says
Hi : )
Very inspiring post from a professional. Where were you when my 2nd grader all those years ago became a Type 1diabetic. I have to agree wholeheartedly the school setting was the hardest to overcome as I was constantly up at the school when my child was wanting to eat, try & share his meals with the other children. The situation got so bad that from then on he had to eat his lunch in front of the office staff : (
Thanks for sharing! Great topic!
Veggie Mama says
Oh that’s sad! It’s tough for the little ones to understand 🙁
Christie Connelly says
Fantastic post! I have very much the same views and really hate it when people offer something then when my daughter launches for it they say ‘ seeee she likes it’ – in a way that means ‘you horrible mum depriving her’… of sugar and additives and goodness knows what else. Sure, terrible Mum. End rant.
My daughter loves peas at dinner time but I did not think to pack them frozen as a snack – FAB idea! Especially for Summer 🙂
Veggie Mama says
Of course she likes it, what kid wouldn’t? But that doesn’t mean you want her to have it. You terrible mother.
Ps how awesome is the pea thing!
Mother Down Under says
Excellent post!
I am thing-y about what my Toddler eats…luckily I am surrounded by like-minded mothers so I have never really had an issue.
My toddler snacks on puffed corn, raisins, yogurt, cucumber sticks and as much fruit as his little heart desires.
Off to check out the blog now!
Veggie Mama says
I think other mothers think I’m weird. Goji berries for a 19-month-old? They’re cute! she likes them!
Nikki | Styling You says
It’s actually a lot easier now than when my first kids (now teens) were babies … more parents are aware of what healthy is about. My teens still bemoan the fact they were the “only” kids to not take a packet of chips and a chocolate muesli bar to school in their lunches. We take the moderation approach – I cook from scratch at home – healthy whole food but I’m not silly, of course, they’ll have junk food. To ban it altogether would only backfire in a bad way.
Veggie Mama says
Yep I’ve heard the backfiring thing too! Kids on sleepovers hiding in the pantry eating all the chocolates haha. But I think you’re right, there’s much more food awareness now, and a lot of kids with allergies and things. It’s just not a simple area, is it? Meanwhile, I’ve eaten your food, I wouldn’t complain if I was your kid!
Cat Beloverly says
I am a stickler for this stuff and am not a nutritionist! I’ve used most of those excuses and hate when other people belittle my food choices for me and my kids. I’m a bit more lenient now with my 4 year old than I have been and he’s allowed a few treats but in most cases I’d rather make them myself. I want my kids to know where food comes from and it’s not from a packet in most instances! My 4 year old still thinks that strawberries are the best treat in the whole world and likes the idea of cake more than the actual reality of it. Sometimes food should be sometimes! Great post! x
Veggie Mama says
Ha I have a friend that called sultanas “lollies” for years. But I agree, I like to make things at home, it takes no time to throw some muffins or cookies in the oven, and I always swap out the sugar for more natural sweeteners. I just don’t think it’s good to load them up with junk, but that’s probably because I don’t like to eat junk or have it in the house… no sweet tooth! It must be hard when you like the stuff yourself and want it in the house and then the kids see you eating it, then it’s just easier to let them have it too rather than hear them whinge!
Melanie says
I was a little surprised to see almonds for a 3 year old. I was always told that nuts were not recommended for children under about 5 or 6 because of the choking hazard. What do others think? Am I being over cautious?
Louisa says
I give my kids nuts as a snack and my littlest just turned 2, if that helps…
Veggie Mama says
I was actually going to ask if other mums did… all the while chickening out by giving it to them in cashew spread and stuff haha. It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes, we’re so bombarded with conflicting info as parents xo
Veggie Mama says
I probably wouldn’t do it, but I’m a bit funny about choking. Popcorn is a huge no for me. but I hear if they’ve got the teeth and the dexterity then it’s ok… but I will stick to the 5 year rule.
Lexi Kentmann says
Loving this – and love the inspirational lunchboxes. Great post chicitas.
Veggie Mama says
They look better than my lunches!
Rachel @ TheKidsAreAllRight says
I’ve found that the worst offenders for not asking first is doctors and other medical specialists – funnily enough! – or the hairdressers at Just Cutz when they offer the lollipop at the end – now that DOES annoy me. I just take it out of their hand and give it back and say no thanks. (And I’m pretty lax with my kids and food!)
Veggie Mama says
ugh lollipops are the worst offenders.
Yellow_Dandy says
Love the excuses, I will have to keep them in mind. What I hate is the condescending attitude from parents with multiple children or older children, often like they think I am being pedantic because I only have one child and I have all the time in the world to care about this stuff, apparently I won’t care when they are older so I hear, don’t worry, you’ll feed your kid this stuff soon… pfffft. Great post!! Karen.
Veggie Mama says
Oh my gosh yes! So much yes. Yes times twelve.
Glowless says
I think a lot of people just don’t read labels. Surely if they turned it over and saw that the first ingredient was sugar and the second was reconstituted glomp with added preservatives they’d ignore the whole low GI, 99% fat free, added vitamins marketing bullshit on the front and give their kid some fruit instead.
Veggie Mama says
But a lot of people think the glomp tastes good! #ick.
LozR says
Thankyou!! I only recently had a chicken nugget “discussion” with my mother’s group! 🙂
Veggie Mama says
Haha at least it’s out in the open now!
Mandy dos Santos says
Wow love all the comments! I havent read them all properly, the nut thing is definitely one in which you need to feel how comfortable you are with your kids. My daughter has been eating them for a few months now and we make sure she sits down and eats it rather than running around. This is the same for hard apple and carrot etc. For nuts (not whole) for wee ones seems to be changing again. The mood around this is that the earlier the introduction the better, but if you have allergies within your family or other children (even if it is not a nut allergy, like dairy, egg etc) it is best to consult with your gp or specialist first. Thanks for reading 😉 And thanks for posting Veggie Mama. PS LOVE THE NEW SITE!! LOVVVEEE The Bunny too!!
Maxabella says
Now that the kids are a little older, it gets harder and harder to keep them on the right track. We’ve definitely moved on from the days when they thought blueberries and grapes were ‘lollies’. So we take a ‘moderation’ approach. 90% of their diet is wholefoods, cooked at home by me and there is room for a packet of crisps or a muesli bar or some pretzels. x
Maxabella says
PS – LOVE the new site design, Stace! x
It's a Circus in Here-Jess says
Mine are 7,6,4 and 2 and we are picky,and I get easily peeved when I go to the effort to make a spanking fantastic healthy lunch/snack for them and the table across from us has hot chips.Sigh.So far though we think we have raised them well enough that they understand our idea of eating differs too other families and their friends may pull out a snack that we know is unhealthy but we will not judge,just don’t eat it yourself!My kids feel it a bit now that they are in school and their friends have tuck shop as we don’t,but I make special lunches for them and add little treats,or what we consider treats once a fortnight and they love it.I have learned that kids will eat what you give them.We can not control what other people feed their own children but we can teach our own children what is good and bad too eat.
It's a Circus in Here-Jess says
I noticed the immediate change in our kids when we took processed foods and sugar etc from their diets even as treats.Keeping them on one track with food means they always know what to expect at meals and snacks.If we offer up crappy foods all too often then it becomes expected and then asked for.I brought some colored lollies for some rocky road for Christmas treats,and my kids didn’t want it.I have it in the freezer.No idea what to do with it now but I don’t want to waste it,the chocolate was expensive!
Milly says
Babybel contains rennet…
Veggie Mama says
I’m not eating it…
Noni says
People in the supermarket used to give me the strangest looks because my eldest daughter used to sit in the trolley and say “please mum by me a cucumber, please!” while totally ignoring lollies and chips etc. Now they are all older and voluntarily made the switch to vegan food. They read labels like pros (even my 9 yo) and are usually shocked at what other people chug down and call food (so proud!) It really is worth the effort when they are young – even the old scrag fight in the playground (and that is just the mums)
Veggie Mama says
that is awesome! I remember once seeing a little kiddo eating a carrot in a trolley and just loving it. I remember thinking I would totally do that too. Now Abby has an apple she munches on while we shop, or sometime a banana. I always get the checkout person to weigh an extra one to pay for it! How good that your kiddos are so aware x
Natalie Kay says
Good topic….very frustrating when it comes to building community relationships when your kids best friends mothers dont cook and feeds their kids twisties and blue drinks!! What I came to realise that most of the time the kids who weren’t being fed to a reasonable standard, were also not being educated about values, relationships, morals or emotional health…so their influence on my kids was not just about food choices but often life choices. It took me along time but I politely declined social invites for my kids in the sakes way you described food excuses.
My kids are teens now, we have never been food legalists but have always chosen fresh & homemade over packets. This article reminds me of the time my middle DD was about 7 and having a playdate, asked her friends Mother for salad with the plastic cheese sandwich she had prepared….never the less the Mum was offended! My biggest problem was my kids swapping the homemade veggie slice or muffins for packaged crips which they never got!! Oh and one more memory…Baby child came home from school one day last year and announced that she no longer wanted to be a Christian (we are a part of a faith community) I just said ok and kept working away…later I asked why…she said because O N L Y Christians eat salad and she was sick of salad in her lunchbox! Problem was in her friends circle she was the only one who ate salad and the only one who’s family were talking about anything other than Justin Bieber or X Factor!!
Veggie Mama says
Oh bless her little heart for making that connection, when it was really salad she didn’t want to be a part of any more! Isn’t kid logic just adorable?!
I do wonder if my kids will be swapping out the things I have lovingly packed for them, for things the other children have. I hope not, but what can you do!
I agree about the whole life choices thing – it isn’t often just food that I don’t have in common with others. It is especially hard when family members who have children don’t have the same values and ideals as me and I don’t want to offend them by saying their choices aren’t the same ones I make. I don’t want anyone to think I am judging them, but I do want different for my children. Gosh, it’s difficult isn’t it? Honestly. kids… who’d have em?! 😉
Erin says
I just stumbled upon this post while looking for recipes. It is so appropriate in my life right now. With my daughter just 15 months old it seems to be a constant issue to know what “the right thing to say” is when faced with the food issue. People think we’re a bit weird because her favourite snack is chick peas! It seems that after they hit 1 year old people think they can all of a sudden eat all sorts of junk. I find grandparents so difficult. Its hard not offend my in-laws :
Veggie Mama says
Oh I can imagine. It’s such a lesson in diplomacy! While I think nobody should go against parents’ wishes when feeding their children, I do find that most people still try. It can be tough, and you don’t want your kid to be the odd one out, but you also don’t want them to eat serious crap and get used to it 🙁
Katelyn says
Thankyou, for this awesome and astute article and great to know that this culture of parents exists! I am so OVER (I need a new word for the word over) other people, parents etc thinking that children are wired to eat CRAP. I am do done with kids party venues and their horrible plastic inedible crap food for kids. And yes, can we please come up with a plan to remove every lollipop EVER. And why the weird looks and I-must-be-depriving-my-child-of-a-happy-childhood simply because I don’t want him to eat CRAP. Rant is finished now.
Fish says
*Fish Noises*
joe says
who is joe?